


The Perfect Job

by KathyKnudsen



Category: Alias Smith and Jones
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27378790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathyKnudsen/pseuds/KathyKnudsen
Summary: Kid thinks he has found the perfect job and Heyes doesn't tell him otherwise
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	The Perfect Job

"Heyes, I got it." Kid exclaimed as he came bounding into the hotel room, slamming the door behind him to be sure his partner was duly awakened.

Heyes jumped at the sound of the door slamming. His eyes were now wide open, and having been startled by all the noise, Heyes was fully expecting to be greeted by a posse or lynch mob. Instead, he saw Kid sitting on the other bed, facing him, grinning ear to ear, a folded newspaper tucked under one arm.

Heyes dropped his head face down on the pillow. "What are you hollering about?" he asked, his voice muffled by the pillow.

"A job, Heyes. The perfect job!"

"What time is it?" Heyes demanded, more agitated by Kid's behavior than interested in what Kid had to say.

"Seven-thirty," Kid replied. "Now get dressed. We got an interview at nine."

One curious eye peered out from the pillow. "What kind of job?" Heyes mumbled.

"Here, listen," Kid said as he unfolded, then refolded the newspaper to the want ads. "Wonder Tonic, Inc. seeking door to door salesmen for distribution of Doctor Haslove's Energy Rejuvenating Tonic for men and livestock. Work on commission. Salary dependent on success of sales."

"You woke me....for that?"

Kid smiled broadly. "Heyes, this is easy money! Why every farmer, every rancher, heck every man over forty is gonna want loads of this stuff! I bet all we have to do is set up a table in a saloon on a Saturday night and we'd make....a hundred sales in one night. We could work Friday and Saturday nights, and not hafta work at all the rest of the week. And, we could take turns working the table, so you'd have time for poker and I'd have time to poke her."

"I repeat, you woke me for that?"

"What's wrong with selling Doctor Haslove's tonic?" Kid asked, feeling obviously dejected. "Giving a man twice the energy as normal, why he could get all his plowing done in a day!"

"Or a night," Heyes mumbled.

"What?

"Look, Kid, all them tonics is just little bottles of whiskey with a few herbs or seasonings thrown in. There ain't a saloon owner in the country that's gonna let you set up shop in his establishment."

"The more work a man gets done in a day, the more time he has to spend in them saloons," Kid countered.

"But he's likely already drunk from the tonic and not in need of any more whiskey."

"But he would spend money on poker or the whores."

"Which doesn't profit the saloon owner at all."

"Well...then...we could just go door to door."

"Two evenings a week?"

"Maybe a little more often than that. You get a commission on every bottle you sell."

"YOU get a commission on every bottle YOU sell," Heyes replied. "I ain't getting involved."

Kid bristled at Heyes' obvious disdain of his idea. "Alright, Heyes. I'll show you which one of us is the true entrepreneur. But don't come crawling to me for poker money cause I ain't doling it out to you."

"Fine," Heyes replied and rolled over in his bed to go back to sleep.

Kid sat glaring at Heyes' back. Finally he stood, and with great but unwitnessed theatrics, he folded the newspaper and tucked it again under his arm as he headed out the door in search of Doctor Haslove's office.

Kid walked out of the hotel and stopped on the boardwalk and unfolded the newspaper again to check the advertisement for the address of Doctor Haslove's office. Then he stepped into the street and, with a determined gait, Kid headed west toward the office of Wonder Tonic, Inc.

"May I help you?" asked a plump, gray haired woman sitting behind a small receptionist's desk.

"I'm here for one of the salesman's jobs in your newspaper advertisement, Ma'am," Kid explained as he quickly removed his hat.

The woman looked Kid up and down and smiled approvingly. "And your name is?" she asked.

"Ah, Thaddeus Jones, Ma'am."

"Have a seat Mr. Jones and I'll tell Hiram, I mean Doctor Haslove that you're here."

"Thank you, Ma'am."

Kid sat down in a hard chair while the woman scurried into a nearby office. A few moments later the woman and Doctor Haslove emerged from the office. The woman returned to her desk while the doctor approached Kid with his arm extended in greeting.

"Mr. Jones is it?" he asked.

"Yes sir. Thaddeus Jones," Kid replied, shaking the man's hand.

"Please come in to my office," Dr. Haslove said and led Kid into the next room. The doctor motioned for Kid to take a seat at a table that filled the center of the room. Kid noticed that all the walls were lined with wooded crates, all stamped with the words "Rejuvenating Tonic."

Hiram sat across from Kid and folded his arms on the table. "So tell me, what sales experience do you have?"

"A...well....I've sold a horse or two, and a saddle...and I sold a rifle once."

"But no....professional sales experience?"

"No sir. I'm afraid not," Kid said with disappointment in his voice. "I won't be taking up any more of your time."

Kid started to rise from his chair but Hiram quickly waved him back down again.

"I'm afraid you don't understand, Mr. Jones. I'm actually glad you don't have a lot of professional sales experience. I don't want people to think we're trying to snooker them in any way. I want salesmen who believe in the product. Have you ever tried my rejuvenating tonic?"

"I can't say that I've ever had reason to, Sir."

"No, at your age I suppose not. You do understand that this is an...invigorating product, right? It's designed to bring a...a..."

"Rejuvenation?" Kid asked.

Hiram smiled. "I was thinking more in terms of the word resurrection, to those finding...a need for a bit of....resurrecting, or...."

"Rejuvenation?" Kid asked again.

Hiram nodded. "Precisely."

"Your advertisement says this Rejuvenating Tonic can be used on animals as well as people?"

"Yes," Hiram said, thinking Mr. Jones now had a clear understanding of the product.

"So it will....resurrect a plow horse or an oxen or such?"

"Fill him with vim and vigor."

"How's it work? I mean, what can I tell a customer to look for as proof that it's working?" Kid asked.

Hiram's confidence in his potential prodigy ebbed considerably.

"This product is designed to....enhance the....abilities of say....oh, a bull, or a stud horse, or a tired old man."

Had Hiram only referred to the tired old man, his analogy would have been lost to Kid. But Kid understood animals.

"Ohhhhh." Kid replied, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed.

"But I think you'd be a very good pitch man, I mean salesman," Hiram said quickly. "Why, image alone accounts for a very large percentage of sales, and you do present the...right kind of image."

Kid stood up. "I'm sorry I wasted your time, Doctor Haslove, but I don't think I'd be very good at selling this product for you."

"Oh, on the contrary. I think you'd be very good, very good indeed."

"No, Sir. You see if there's one thing I know about, it's animals, and I thought your product was more along the lines of a vitamin or something to give em more energy, and....well I just don't think a person should go about trying to....make an animal do something that they just ain't got the spirit or inclination for no more....I think you leave that sort of thing to Mother Nature."

"How old are you Mr. Jones?"

"Thirty-one."

"You come back in another thirty-one years and tell me you still think the same way. I'm quite confident that you won't be able to do that."

Kid grinned at the suggestion that he might ever lose such an inclination. "Well, again, I'm sorry to have taken up your time."

Kid extended his hand and Hiram shook it weakly before Kid walked out of the office and out of the building.

When Kid returned to the hotel room, Heyes was standing in front of the mirror, shaving.

"How did it go, Kid? You up for the job?" Heyes asked with a grin.

Heyes' expression did not go unnoticed and Kid sat down heavily on the edge of his bed.

"If you knew what this tonic did, Heyes, why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"What Doctor Haslove is trying to sell."

Heyes struggled to stifle a full blown laugh. "I figured you knew, Kid," Heyes lied.

"Well I didn't, not till he started telling me the uses for it."

Heyes picked up the towel and wiped the excess shaving cream from his face.

"I'm sorry, Kid. You're right. I should have told you."

"Heyes, he said in another thirty-one years, I'd be whistling a different tune about his product.....You think that could happen?"

"I hear it does to a lot of fellas."

Kid sighed heavily and pulled himself off the bed and headed for the door.

"Where are you going now?" Heyes asked.

"Them first thirty-one years went by pretty fast, Heyes. I don't want to waste any of the next thirty-one years."

"Think you might want to have breakfast first? You know, build up your stamina and your energy?" Heyes asked, unable to stifle a grin.

Kid stopped in the doorway with his back to Heyes and stifled his own laugh.

"Well come on, Heyes, and be quick about it. I got food to eat and then seeds to sow. I plan to have a right busy day." Kid said as he headed for the stairs with Heyes nipping at his heels.

"Kid, them first thirty-one years might have gone fast, but you got to remember you didn't get started till you was fifteen or sixteen years old. That means you still got twice that amount of time left," Heyes reminded his partner.

Kid stopped so abruptly that Heyes almost ran right in to him. Thinking about Heyes' last comment, Kid began to grin.

"You're right, Heyes. I got plenty of time for oat sowing. Might even be time to enjoy a few other things in life like travel and food."

"Both of which you enjoy almost as much," Heyes reminded hiim.

Kid turned to his partner. "Heyes, I do wish you'd told me before I went over there making a fool of myself, but I do like what you're saying now," Kid said and headed back up the stairs.

"What are you doing now?" Heyes asked with a bit of exasperation in his voice.

"Well, it's only nine o'clock and I've been up since seven. So, I'm going back to the room and make use of the other purpose for a nice, soft bed. I'm going back to sleep."

Heyes just shook his head as he watched Kid disappear down the hall.

"I wish that tonic rejuvenated brain cells," Heyes grumbled as he plodded back up the stairs.


End file.
